Effective Communication Skill Blog

Beyond the Drama Triangle

villain.victim.heroBetty uses wonderful imagery when she gets emotionally triggered. She pictures herself as being on a journey to a mountain top, and having fallen into a hole for a while. 

I love that image. I added that most of us see this kind of slippage as deviation from the path, and we want to get out of the hole as quickly as possible. It's no fun to feel like a victim. We want the direct path to empowerment. However, slippage is a part of the direct path - even for advanced practitioners. The SpeakStrong Method (and book***) provide tools to learn and benefit from every experience, even ones where we regress into a five-year old. 

 

I had my own slippage yesterday. I am having a communication challenge with a service provider whom I prepaid. I told my friend that the situation was "nibbling on me."

I let myself be in my "nibbled on" (aka victim) hole. I looked around and learned from it... but I didn't stay there. After deep reflection and processing, the situation stopped nibbling on me. I started to nibble on it

What's the difference? While I am vulnerable to the machinations of the long-suffering and the hoops and deflections of the perpetrators, in my center, I refuse to be a player in anyone's drama triangle. I stand as an observer of it. I still explore every power play and poor-me message the dramatist send: without feeling subservient to any of them. Specifically, I do not allow her victim declaration to polarize me into the role or into the self-characterization of persecutor, nor do I feel the need to be the hero to caretake for a woman I paid to care for me and my needs. I can honor the success that keeps her so busy and I can empathize with her life struggles that make it difficult to honor all her commitments... and I still expect to be treated as a valued client. 

And, oh, my, my, is she ever giving me juicy illustrations of the villain/victim/hero triangle. This isn't my first choice of a good time. It is quite a learning opportunity to practice staying in my center, and being clear, kind and direct. In other words, to practice Speaking Strong. 

***The offer of a SpeakStrong or PowerPhrases book at no cost with any order ends tonight. See yesterday's post. 

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