The Dark Side of Performance Review Phrases
When you search the net for ready to use phrases for employee performance reviews, you'll find posts of a free list of employee review phrases that will make you laugh – until you realize how vicious these phrases are – and that they come from ACTUAL performance reviews in a large US corporation.
Here are some sample performance review phrases from the "Dark Side of Performance Review Phrases".
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom...and has started to dig.
2. His men would follow him anywhere... but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. I would not allow this employee to breed.
4. This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'.
5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
(A complete list is posted HERE.)
Did you chuckle? I confess, I did.
Sarcastic Phrases: A Guilty Pleasure to a Disinterested Observer but Not to the Targeted Party
But a laugh at someone else's expense comes with a pinch – a twinge that says, "something is not quite right here." Sarcasm is like other guilty pleasures – we indulge against our better nature. It's satisfying to read what we might have said if we weren't so nice, but there's a reason we avoid them in our communication.
Put Sarcasm in Its Place: How Sarcasm Alerts You To Your Need to Speak Strong
While the web is full of sarcastic over-the-top performance review phrases for employee poor performance evaluations, you won't find the opposite – a list of sample over-the-top performance review phrases for the employee whose performance defies description in the positive sense. Until now.
My book, (written with coauthor Janelle Brittain) How to Say It: Performance Reviews includes one over-the-top positive phrase for each performance category. Here's a little preview:
• Conflict Management: "Could bring peace to the Middle East."
• Cooperation and Teamwork: "If the Chicago Cubs had him/her on the team, they would win the World Series."
• Contributes to Team Goals: "Brings home the whole pig, not just the bacon."
Enjoy the phrases for performance review, and let them inspire you to conduct your performance reviews firmly planted on the bright side.