SPEAKSTRONG NEWSLETTER #4, January 4, 2011
Formerly A PowerPhrase a Week Please do not hit reply. Email me. http://www.speakstrong.com/contact
NEW YEAR NEW YOU PREPARATIONS
I am very excited about my New Year New You webinar coming up Thursday. (One friend insists webinars sound like something ducks do.) There are a few spaces left. I’m inviting the attendees to prepare by:
1. Reviewing my Some Boats Need to be Rocked article.
2. Checking out my Facebook pledge and decide whether it’s right for you to take the pledge.
3. Watch my video called The Unpaved Path to Opportunity. I will be discussing points from it in the webinar.
4. Read my post about the three keys to transformation a moniker, motto and motivating image. (Below)
5. Think of what your moniker, motto and motivating image for your communication makeover would be.
If you can’t make it, I encourage you to do those things anyway.
THE UNPAVED PATH TO OPPORTUNITY VIDEO
My music video is out!
@Ned Disposable got fired on Facebook September 29, 2010. @Susie925 got her notice through twitter just a few days later. Their paved roads crumbled. They have since discovered unpaved opportunities.
Me? I wasn’t even on the radar. I got my notice of a decision that impacted me heavily from someone I didn’t know who assumed I had been told. Everyone else had!
But don’t you worry about me! I determined to turn my misadventure into a transformational life journey and I’m liking what I’m finding. Corporate ignominy might take you down, but don’t let it take you out. When your paved road crumbles, you have lots of bad choices – and some really good ones, too.
Follow the adventures of Ned, Susie and me, as we find opportunity in some really challenging experiences. This is a book trailer for the books SpeakSTRONG and PowerPhrases. It’s also great fun, and an invitation for you to think, live and speak transformationally. If you miss the lyrics or the life test questions, I post them for you here.
ONE ENTREPRENEUR PUBLICLY DECLARES HER INTENTION TO LEARN TO SPEAKSTRONG IN 2011
Instead of publicly declaring to lose ten pounds or to quit smoking, (of course, she never started,) one business owner publicly declared her intention to learn to SpeakSTRONG in 2011, in part to help her meet the unique challenges she faces as a woman entrepreneur. Marti Williams posted about her resolution in her blog titled Speaking Strong in the New Year.
Marti and I have had the pleasure and privilege of Speaking Strong with each other many times in 2010. We’ve also recalibrated our relationship to each other on a few occasions, to both of our satisfaction. We’ve navigated through twists and turns in priorities, unforeseen business events and shifts, and continually tweaked how we relate to each other in mutually beneficial ways. Marti does me the honor of letting me be a part of her communication transformation – and she is an essential part of mine.
COMMUNICATION TRANSFORMATION KEYS: A MONIKER, MOTTO AND MOTIVATING IMAGE
Changing habits can be challenging, but here are three keys that will help.
1. Pick a moniker for yourself. Pick something that sums up who you are and who you are becoming. A dear friend sometimes calls himself Dr. Sunshine. It’s a fitting moniker for him. He brings sunshine into every consideration. What is a fitting moniker for you? And how about a moniker for you as a communicator? I’m The Message Maven, The Perspicacious Phraseologist and The Communication Alchemist.
2. Get a motto. Three phrase mottos work well. My SpeakSTRONG motto is to be clear, sincere and effective. It was clear, kind and direct, but it has evolved.
On the other hand, I have another motto that is lighthearted. It’s Collabradabra. What’s yours?
3. Get a motivating image. My motivating image has been a picture of me putting one foot in front of the other. When I get overwhelmed or fall into an old habit of thinking and speaking, that visual brings me back to my next step. It’s like the twelve step one-day-at-a-time image applied to each moment. It brings me back on track every time.
On the other hand, now that I’m past the roughest terrain since my paved road crumbled, I’m finding a more lighthearted image that is connected to Collabradabra. It’s more magical – yes, I have a wand – but I’m not performing magic on others. I’m inspiring the magic IN others. OMG – it gives me shivers!
Don’t stress yourself about getting the perfect moniker, motto and motivating image right away. Once you apply a less-than-perfect one, you’ll naturally develop refinements. You’ll go deeper into what your choices represent for you. And even if you’re completely at home with your choice, one day you’ll wake up and discover you’re ready to shift them – either because your circumstances and aspirations change, of because…OMG… you’ve grown into and beyond the vision you set for yourself.
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POWERPHRASE: HONEY – WE NEED TO RECALIBRATE.
DON’T ELIMINATE WHEN YOU CAN RECALIBRATE.
What are you taking into 2011 and what are you leaving behind? I read Sandra Martini’s post tiled A Different Way to Plan for 2011 with interest. Martini lists things and people she won’t be taking into the new year with her. I think we all can relate to the frustrating behaviors she names and the boundaries she sets to makes 2011 even more joyful and productive than 2010. From vendors who don’t deliver and clients who don’t implement and companies that don’t service and associates who complain incessantly, Martini is moving on.
Like Martini, I’ve moved on from relating in ways that don’t work. And I have dropped some associations that don’t fit. But I’ve done more recalibrating than eliminating. Many of the vendors and clients and associates ARE moving into 2011 with me – but in whole new ways. We renegotiated our way of working together.
People who couldn’t handle big projects for me are doing smaller projects. People who weren’t able to get back to me quickly are doing things that aren’t timely. Some people drifted out of the scene early in the year because it wasn’t a fit and are back now in ways that work. I left many relationship dynamics behind, but am keeping the relationships themselves. These people I value are still in my life because we didn’t eliminate, we recalibrated. In fact, my last book was coauthored with a friend after we recalibrated how we worked together and went from a dynamic that didn’t work to a delightful collaboration.
I find when I start this conversation, people often think recalibration is a euphemism for moving on, until we really figure out a new way of relating and start doing it.
I love Martini’s article. It’s a great boundary-setter, and we all need to do that at times. I would have liked to have read what she IS bringing into the new year. We often focus on what don’t want to the exclusion of what we do. And it also can lead to throwing the baby out with the bath.
But before you slash and burn, decide if you can recalibrate instead. Before you kick that person out of your life, say,
“(Honey,) we need to recalibrate.”
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SUCCESS STORY: LISTENING TO UNDERSTAND – A HUBBY GETS A DO-OVER
A reader wrote: We had a win this morning. My wife was trying to understand how to buy a gift certificate and pay using a credit card, but debiting our checking account. I thought it was easy and kept trying to tell her the solution. Eventually she said “Don’t worry about it, you’re not understanding what I’m saying,” and the conversation ended. This left her agitated and frustrated and me feeling bad and confused.
After a few minutes I went back and said, “Could we try that again? This time I’ll try to listen and understand what you are saying.” We went through it again, but this time I focused on making sure that she knew that I understood what she was describing and asking.
At the end she said, “Is that right?” and I said, “That’s right”. Problem solved and we were both happy. This is a pattern; my wife trying to ask something and me jumping in with the solution. This time I successfully listened and she felt understood.
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