SPEAKSTRONG NEWSLETTER #4 January 11, 2011
Formerly A PowerPhrase a Week Please do not hit reply. Email me. http://www.speakstrong.com/contact
What a Week – Time to Get Collaborative
Last week I led a webinar about how to give yourself a communication makeover. if you missed it, the archive is here. If it is useful to you, please pass it on.
This week, the airwaves are full of conversations about how our country needs a communication makeover – particularly when the conversation turns political. My wish and prayer is the tragic events over the weekend will wake us up to the harmful effect of adversarial communication and open us up the the possibilities of collaborative communication. I will be giving a number of radio interviews about how we can make that shift and restore sanity to our political conversations. My publisher is running a series of blog posts about my political communication book. Her posts contain excerpts from the manuscript. But politics is only one area where the inability to relate civilly and collaboratively causes harm and foul. Stay with me to develop the magic of collaboration in all of your relationships – work and home.
Respect, Recognition and Results
Last week’s webinar was about how to create a plan to grow and develop your own communication makeover. This week’s will tell you how to get respect and support for making changes. How do you get others to believe in you, stop revisiting and even give you support for your growth, ideas and initiatives?
I’m changing providers, so if you had trouble getting on last week, this week’s venue includes more options. You can call or listen on the web. For callers there will be local numbers and skype instructions. You can view the slides on your computer or download the PDF of the slides. You can also view the replay.
I ask you to register so I’ll have an idea of how many are coming and I can send you updates and coupon codes. Join us!
A Pre-webinar Chat
I mute the phone lines during webinars because it would be too noisy otherwise. However, I’ll be available to chat before the next webinar with people who attended or viewed last week’s presentation. Simply log in to Thursday’s webinar 20 minutes early and I’ll be on and chatting. I invite you to submit questions and comments in advance – either on the comment box at the webinar site of via email. That will be at 10:40 Mountain time – please do your own math.
What to Say when Someone Say You’re Resisting
He asked an either/or question, and she danced around the answer. He pressed in and she still danced around the answer. Then he told her she was resisting him, and asked again. She came closer to answering than she had before, but still didn’t make a clear choice.
What do you say when someone accuses you of resisting them? In my work, I have found that people resist for reasons, and there is more to be learned by exploring why they don’t answer a simple question than in pursuing the question.
And when it’s an either/or question, it may be that they have been given a false choice, and don’t like any of their options.
I respect their resistance. It’s telling us something. I respect my own resistance as well. There are times when exploring my own resistance reveals an unwillingness to commit and grow. But other times, my resistance is actually an unwillingness to shrink. I resist because what I am being asked seems puts me in a box that isn’t a fit.
So when someone tells me I’m resisting, I say,
- I wonder why. Let’s explore it.
That ends the verbal struggle and gets to what’s REALLY going on.
Six Steps to Gain Respect, Recognition and Results
It’s challenging enough to make changes in lifelong habits when we have support. It’s even more challenging when we don’t. Here are your six steps to gain respect and recognition for your initiatives and to get results. You can read a longer explanation on canada.com. We’ll be going into detail at Thursday’s free communication webinar.
- Create a clear vision. Make it concrete.
- Commit to action. Have a plan before you share your goals with potential nay-sayers.
- Identify your reasons. What will the benefits of the change be? Why do you want to do this?
- Anticipate objections. Step inside other’s shoes and anticipate why they might shoot your plan down.
- Share your plans with prepared phrases. Get your talking points down before you face others. Remember to say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean when you say it.
- Ask for support outright. Say something like, “I’d really like you to help me succeed here. Can I count on you for support?”
- Be prepared to act without support if needed. Nothing convinces like your own commitment and success. Sometimes you need to demonstrate first and then the support comes easily.
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When Things Fall Apart, Take the Lead
Dan Mulhern writes a great blog about everyday leaders. This week he addressed the shooting in Arizona and said some inspiring things. He said,
“You can praise when the culture is decrying. You can point out troublesome facts when the rest of the team is in denial. You can laugh at yourself when everyone’s being a little too self-serious. Or, you can just offer a humble opinion to get the bus rolling (it’s a lot easier to steer a moving bus.”)
Well, I praise Dan and others who offer a forward-moving perspective. My observations about the extensiveness of violence in our communication has been troublesome for many, although I’m getting more ears this week. My humble opinion is Dan is right. When things fall apart, lead.
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