The Love Letter Technique

According to Relationship Expert John Gray, emotions exist in layers, from
more guarded to more vulnerable. Emotions go from:

1. Anger
2. Sorrow
3. Fear
4. Regret
5. Love

If you’re ever unsure about what you feel, use this like a map to take you through all possible levels. Gray calls it a love letter technique. That name implies that you only use it in love relationships — but it’s useful any time you’re not sure what you feel. The process has helped me through many emotional challenges.

Here are some sentence stems to help you work your way through your emotions.

1. Anger and Blame

 

• I don’t like it when…
• How dare you…
• I resent…
• I hate it when…
• I’ve had enough of…
• I can’t stand…

2. Hurt and Sadness

• I feel sad that…
• I feel hurt because…
• It breaks my heart that…
• I want to cry because…
• I’m disappointed that…
• I want…

3. Fear and Insecurity

• I feel afraid…
• I’m afraid that…
• I feel scared because…
• I want…
• What if…
• I’m terrified of…

4. Guilt and Responsibility

• I’m sorry that…
• I wish I hadn’t…
• I’m sorry for…
• Please forgive me for…
• I didn’t mean to…
• I’m ashamed about…

5. Love, Forgiveness, Understanding, and Desire

• I love you because…
• I love when…
• Thank you for…
• I understand that…
• I forgive you for…
• I’m grateful that…

Adapted from What You Feel You Can Heal by John Gray.

Start with anger and blame unless another emotion presents itself. Keep working
with the sentence stems for anger and blame until you feel some release or
you naturally gravitate toward another emotion. Keep moving from sentence
stem to sentence stem as you are drawn. You can use emotions from the list of
feeling words at: http://www.speakstrong.com/resources/how-to/97-alchemy/769-feeling-vocabulary

This exercise acts like a powerful emotional map to help you explore and uncover
deep emotions. Have a great journey. Your newly established emotional
connection will help you SpeakStrong.