Last night I dreamt (without going into too many details) that I was receiving unwanted sexual attention from someone I know. It felt creepy and wrong, but I didn’t let on. I scanned my thoughts and memories to decide if this was something appropriately expected of me – a role I was committed to, or if it was something I had a right to object to. I thought, “there’s a word for this.” Finally I thought of the word, and knew immediately that ithis man’s advances were very inappropriate. Armed with the work, I prepared to speak up, but woke before I did.
I didn’t feel the creepiness after I woke, but I sure wondered what it all meant. The offender has never shown any inappropriateness toward me in life, so I don’t think the dream was about that. But I wonder – why did I need a word for what was happening to object? My body and emotions were screaming their objections – why did I need to know what he was dong is considered wrong by the culture? Haven’t I evolved past that by now?
Learning to vocalize is one part of honoring the importance of my voice. But so is hearing and honoring my non-verbal objections. Do I need a word to honor my voice in general?
I’m sure reflecting right now, but one thing I know. By the end of the 52 SpeakStrong Empowerments, I won’t wait until I can explain myself to trust myself. My voice matters – even when I can’t give the logic behind the conviction.