Name That Violation, Set That Boundary

Woman fear 300It was more a nightmare than a dream, although I woke with insight rather than creeps. Someone I knew for many years was violating me. Rather than express my extreme discomfort, I searched my consciousness wondering if what he was doing was acceptable, and perhaps even expected. Did I have a right to object?

“There’s a word for this,” I thought. And when the word came to me, I knew immediately this was not okay. I was ready to set a boundary. Of course, that’s when I woke up. 

The man in the dream never violated me, and my relationship with him was good. The dream wasn’t about that – it was about me finding my voice enough to set boundaries. I woke up wondering if all along, my SpeakStrong career has been about finding words to set boundaries. In many ways, I believe it has. I knew this wasn’t acceptable to me in the dream, but it was only when I found the word for what was happening that I felt ready to assert myself.

The violation in the dream was egregious. Hopefully you have never experienced it. However, we have all betrayed and have been betrayed by people close to us to some degree or another. It can be crazy-making when the violation is mixed with love and blessings. That’s when we need to name the violation the most. Naming empowers us to set boundaries. It’s worth the trouble to get the words.

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