Rose bounded in to share her gratitude with Tony. She told him: “Holding someone while they have a release like you held me yesterday is kind of like holding them while they throw up.”
Tony smiled. “Yeah – and holding their hair back so it wouldn’t get anything on it. Good metaphor.”
“It’s an act of love.” Rose planted a kiss on Tony’s cheek and meandered off to her next adventure. She called her friend Angie.
“I’m reading a book I’ve had a long time,” Angie told Rose. “It’s called Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.”
“Buried alive,” Rose mused. “You never know what’s in there until you let it out.” For me, it’s mostly energy these days, although I can work up a case sometimes.”
Rose revisited a CD she recorded 20 years before. One song, Inside, touched her now. You can hear it here. http://www.speakstrong.com/audio/06%20Inside.m4a
Here are the lyrics.
Well, he slammed the door and stomped his feet,
Called her names I won’t repeat.
He told her he would not be coming back.
He took the keys and took the car,
Drove off to a local bar
Where everyone could tell his mood was black.
On the inside his heart was breaking
From the beating it was taking.
Inside he could not stand the pain.
He felt alone, he felt neglected,
Undervalued and rejected,
Unappreciated and constrained.
She watched him leave and heaved a sigh,
Had a twenty hankie cry,
Then she poured her heart to a friend,
It hurt when her man wouldn’t listen
When she told him what was missing.
He was way too easy to offend.
But on the inside she was filled with terror,
Frightened she had made an error
Her body shook. Her face was almost white.
It scared her every time he’d shout.
It made her question. Made her doubt.
She lost her resolve when they would fight.
Well it scared him that her words were true.
Frightened him how much she knew.
He was so afraid to be exposed.
It scared him he was in so deep.
He didn’t know he’d made the leap.
He wasn’t quite as free as he’d supposed.
On the inside he felt regret
That he had gotten so upset.
He was sorry for the things he said.
He told the people at the bar
He was a fool to go so far
Now he’d make the choice for love instead.
She wished that she had used more tact
Pointing out a painful fact.
She wish that she had tip-toed around his pride.
She wished that he had never flung
Harsh words with a biting tongue
When half the things she said weren’t justified.
But on the inside her heart was open,
She heard a car and she was hoping
He would soon be walking through the door.
And there he was: his arms extended,
A hug. A kiss. Their hearts were mended
To live, love learn and fight again some more.
Through anger, sorrow, fear, regret –
The heart forgives. The mind forgets,
And they’ll live, love, learn and fight again some more.
copyright 2014, Meryl Runion Rose
Rose’s life had never been quite as dramatic as the song implies. But the song did capture a powerful time in her life. Now, many years later, those dynamic energies were awakening in her again, but more as pure energy. Ready to be experienced on the Inside... and dynamically lived.
She had howled at the moon, and now she felt ready to take on the world.