I’m married to a very good man who does have some irritating habits. (He is married to a very good woman who also has some irritating habits.) Since Covid, we have defused a hundred communication landmines and clarified another hundred communication quagmires. (Not by actual count)
I started out by telling him he was repeating himself. Then I asked him why he repeated himself. He was a bit defensive. But when I shifted, the conversation shifted. When I asked him…
- Is there something I do that causes you to repeat yourself?
… he accepted that the question was not intended to be accusatory.
I went on to talk about how I will sometimes repeat myself when I don’t feel heard and I wonder if I respond in a way that makes him feel the need to repeat.
He told me to let him know when he is repeating himself. That was plenty good enough. I doubt I will have to do that much because when he makes a request like that he usually is ready to do things differently.
I am married to a very good man who does still have some irritating habits, but not so many anymore. And the fact we can talk about it makes all the difference.