If you have to say this, it probably ain’t so

Dear Meryl

I came across your website, and I want to share an experience I had at a leadership conference.

The speaker had been teaching and coaching about leadership for over 20 years to small and large groups.

He comes on stage, and says, "Hi, I’m John, and I am your friend." Then he repeats this several times throughout his talk. When he says these remarks, he is sitting down in front of the audience with a glass of water at the table. In other words, he wants to look relaxed and comfortable.

I instantly recognize this as non-authentic communication and manipulation. Accordingly, he has broken your rules for effective communication.

Then he goes on to say that he forgot to bring the books that he sells which he would autograph if he had them available. But he reminds the audience that anyone can purchase these books on Amazon, and, of course, he says again, "I’m John, and I am your friend."

Maybe he should take your course.

Hi Steve,

I got a kick out of your email. The shift in leadership communication trends can be challenging for many! Trying to be authentic is like trying to relax. Announcing you’re a friend is a lot like saying, "I’ll be honest with you." Suddenly you doubt it. And I’m reading a book that observes that if you want to win at tennis, ask your opponent how she manages her great serves. Get her thinking about it, and her naturalness disappears. The call for authenticity can be like that, too. We become self-conscious and find it impossible to drop the act – although our act might be of not having an act.

Now, wouldn’t it be ironic if someone had attended a presentation I gave and emailed John to tell him I needed to attend his seminar? Who knows – perhaps I do!

Anyway, thanks for passing this on,

Meryl

Tebow isn’t a one-trick pony anymore – nor should you be

Who knew?

I screamed out loud as I watched the Broncos score the winning touchdown in playoff overtime Sunday. I’m not that much of a football fan, but it was such a surprising play – and game – that I was happily engaged. Tim Tebow surprised a lot of people – they thought he was a one-trick pony. And he had been!

He initially threw his opponents off-guard by his ability to run the ball, but “everyone knew” he couldn’t pass. So all they had to do was guard close in. That left them open for the throws, but since Tebow couldn’t pass, it didn’t matter.

The game changer

Except suddenly it did. When Tebow went from being a one-trick pony to having more options, he became significantly harder to beat. Suddenly the opposition had to focus their defensive efforts over the entire playing field.

Exponentially more effective

The SpeakStrong Method knows the limits of being a one-trick pony. Effective communication skill is often about dissolving defenses. When you have more than one approach to slip past resistance toward the heart of the issue, it becomes more difficult to manipulate, block and defend. If a direct approach creates blocks, instead of pushing harder, often backing off and trying some surprise moves can break the communication habit pattern that is causing so much trouble.

For example, two managers who lock horns in meetings might find their common ground and form an alliance sharing a ride to a conference. I recently heard one manager say he didn’t have much use for another manager until they did just that and found their goals converged. If pushing forward in a discussion of a contentious issue creates animosity, it might be time to try a new communication approach and talk about the conversation itself, and how you talk with each other.

Playing a different game – a bigger game

One important distinction between football and The SpeakStrong Method of communication is that in communication, we don’t dissolve defenses to win over someone. We do it to create clarity and a foundation for effective collaboration. That distinction makes communication a bigger game than football. The Steelers were right to fortify their defenses with every play. In conversation, while there are times when we do need to “play defensively,” more often we get more done with collaborative communication skill.

Who knows how Tebow will show up in the next round of playoffs. One thing we haven’t seen from Tebow yet that makes for excellence is consistency. Tebow erraticness has made for exciting games, but not predictable ones. But what Sunday’s performance clearly demonstrated is, while you can overcome resistance with a single approach for a while, real skill requires being more than a one-trick pony. That is true for communication skill as well.

Personal Benefits of the SpeakStrong Method

What can the SpeakStrong Method do for you personally?

Just imagine the difference exceptionally effective communication skill could make in your life.

Visualize…

trusting your own personal process so completely that you communicate with complete authenticity without fear, embarrassment or shame.
being able to stand openly in you own successes and mistakes as a realistic foundation to move forward to who you want to be next.
having personal confidence in your own essential expression to be able to be completely present in all your relationships.

Now imagine…

the fulfillment of building a personal community where others are completely present for and with you.
being able to speak your mind and your heart effectively – building clarity, trust and connection with each conversation.
collaborating without compromise – where communication results in the kind of synergy where everybody wins and no one loses. Ever.

A communication makeover can transform every aspect of how you relate, influence and succeed.

Next, ask yourself…

What would it be like to be able to communicate tenderness without drama or recycling old wounds?
How would it feel to be able to give feedback without damaging trust?
Where would you like to be able to relate from a platform of dynamic expectancy instead of static and rigid demands?
What if there was nothing between your heart and someone else’s – including anyone’s ego?

Can you envision how dynamic your life and your personal development would become? Your development personal professional and interpersonal depends on authentic communication.

All the difference in the world…

Here are just a few of the personal benefits people have shared with us.

For Kim it meant the difference between feeling like a doormat and following her own dreams with the support of her community of friends and associates.
For Melanie it meant the difference between a pleasant (yawn) marriage based on compliance and cooperation and a dynamic marriage based on synergy and collaboration.
For Cole it meant the difference between frustration from confusing instructions at work, and clarity.

What difference would it make in your life? How could you benefit from The SpeakStrong Method?

Click “next” to discover the SpeakStrong principles.

effective communication skill